Chapter 2 — She Was Only Trying To Help

RyanWhoa — hey. Em? What happened, why are you on the floor?

EmilyYour mother emptied the freezer.

RyanEmptied it how?

EmilyShe poured ninety-one bags into the sink and ran hot water on them. I saved eleven.

Ryan set the takeout bag on the counter and did not let go of it.

RyanOkay. Okay — did she say why?

EmilyShe said, three months of this, in my freezer. Then she said maybe now I'll feed him like a normal mother.

RyanShe wouldn't say that.

EmilyShe said it standing exactly where you're standing.

RyanEm, she's seventy years old —

EmilyShe watched me put my hands in boiling water and she folded a dish towel.

Ryan crouched down in front of her and looked at her hands, which were still red across the backs.

RyanThat's not okay. I'll talk to her.

EmilyTalk to her.

RyanI'll tell her she went too far and she owes you an apology.

EmilyAnd then what, Ryan?

RyanAnd then we move on. She's my mother. She's here three days a week so you can sleep.

EmilyI want her key.

RyanYou want — what?

EmilyI want her key back. Tonight.

Ryan laughed.

RyanYou haven't slept properly since May. This is the exhaustion talking.

EmilyDon't do that.

RyanDo what?

EmilyDon't tell me what I'm feeling is a symptom.

RyanI'm not saying you're wrong, I'm saying it's a bottle —

EmilyNINETY-ONE. It was ninety-one bottles.

RyanAnd I'll replace the freezer, I'll buy formula, I'll do whatever —

EmilyYou can't replace it. Do you understand that? You can't go to a store and buy it back.

Ryan stood up and started opening takeout containers.

RyanYou're going to eat something and go to bed and tomorrow this is going to be a thing that happened instead of a thing that's happening.

EmilyIn May I told you she threw out a bottle. What did you say to me?

RyanEm.

EmilyWhat did you say?

RyanI said you probably left it out.

EmilyAnd in June, when I said my supply was dropping?

RyanI don't remember.

EmilyYou said I was stressing myself into it.

Ryan carried his plate into the living room and turned on the television.

Emily sat at the kitchen table with a plate she didn't touch and one question she couldn't put down.

Why today? Why in the open?