Chapter 4 — Nineteen Times Before The Freezer

By two in the morning Emily had nineteen entries in the back of her feeding log.

Tuesday the 4th. Diaper pail. One bottle.

Monday the 3rd. Bathroom sink. Two bottles.

Sunday the 2nd. Diaper pail. One.

Friday the 31st. Sink, then formula out of a tin she brought in her own handbag.

Every clip had the same shape. The look at the door. The three-second listen. The careful angle so it wouldn't splash. The cap back on, the bag zipped, the chair, the singing.

On the eleventh clip, Diane leaned over the crib rail and spoke.

DianeThere we are. There's my boy. She can't do it, can she. She just can't do it.

Emily played it four times and then called her sister back.

KaylaIt's two in the morning.

EmilyNineteen.

KaylaNineteen what?

EmilyNineteen bottles. Fourteen days. And she talks to him while she does it.

KaylaSays what?

Emily"She can't do it, can she."

KaylaSend it to me.

EmilyThere's one more. From Wednesday. An hour before the freezer.

KaylaPlay it.

DianeNo — she's putting him in daycare in September. Going back to that job of hers.

DianeThree days a week down to nothing, is what it is.

DianeWell. I said what I think. She didn't want to hear it.

DianeMm. We'll see how long that lasts.

KaylaWho is she talking to?

EmilyI don't know. Ruth, probably. From her church.

KaylaEm. Do you hear what that is?

EmilyI told her about daycare on Tuesday. Over coffee.

KaylaAnd she emptied your freezer on Wednesday.

EmilyI told her we'd finally give her back her time. I said thank you.

KaylaShe wasn't losing her time, Em. She was losing the house. She was losing three days a week inside your marriage.

EmilyThose bags weren't milk.

KaylaNo.

EmilyThey were September.

KaylaWhat are you going to do?

EmilySunday. She hosts dinner the first Sunday of every month. Eleven people.

KaylaYou're not.

EmilyHer pastor comes. Ruth comes. Ryan's whole family comes.

KaylaEmily.

EmilyI've been telling him for four months and he thinks I'm tired. I need witnesses.